Linkin Park

This is a paper I wrote for class, Any comments or input is greatly appreciated.

Dying Alone

I can’t help but wonder what exactly did I do to deserve this. Maybe it was the drugs I took? Maybe it was the lack of faith I have in god? Maybe it was all the alcohol I drank. Who knows? I should be used to being alone; I have been alone since I was five so this is no different. So why now do I want a shoulder to cry on? Maybe it is because I have to face the fact that I might not live to make it to twenty five. It is so hard to accept. Every day I fight this battle alone crying alone, hurting alone. Some days I lie in bed and cry alone in the dark with the TV off and no light coming in from the windows asking, “God this illness is not my punishment is it? fighting it alone is the true punishment right” I want so badly to say how much this hurts to someone; I want to say this pain is unbearable and sometimes I secretly want to hurry up and die. I sit here crying out for you, you who will never come to me, you who will never be there for me and never have regardless if you had me or not. I know she will never come, so why do I cry for her when I’m hurting? Why do I lay in this hospital bed with tubes up my nose surrounded by the smell of death that comes into my room every time the nurse enters my room crying out for you? Is it a mechanism just because I’m your daughter? Or is it because I want you to for once in your life care for me? Or is it because I want you to feel my pain and make it go away? I lay here heart slowly beating, gasping for air drugs running from this beat up machine into my small baby- like veins silently crying on the inside for you to come to me and hold me and tell me you love me and I’m not alone.