Dear Chester
Mon, August 21, 2017 at 3:46 AMLeila Dapp
Leila Dapp

Dear Chester,

The first time I ever heard what the voice inside my head said repeated back to me was the year 2000. They were the same words, only different...they sounded more beautiful than anything I've ever heard. 

Other than my father, you were the first human being I've ever felt a true connection with. You were the first human being I've ever looked up to. 
And you taught me many things. 

More than school, more than my parents, more than bible study. You taught me that no matter how dark my thoughts were, there were others who thought the same thing. You taught me that it's not only okay to be the weirdo, but that being the weirdo was badass. You taught me that staying alive and waking up was worth a damn. You taught me that continuing on, even when you had nothing to live for, was dope. When you broke your wrist and decided to play the rest of your show before going to the hospital, you taught me that pain is temporary, passion is permanent. When you played your shows with a broken ankle, you taught me that strength is doing what you love no matter how much it hurts. When you broke your leg and still made the most beautiful album I've ever heard, you proved to me that not giving up creates the real miracles. You taught me that laughter is a better substance than alcohol. You taught me the meaning of kill them with kindness. You taught me that the most valuable traits are loyalty and a heart of gold. You are the only person I know that wouldn't have laughed at me when I said I wanted to be a pilot. Your music is the only reason that I actually made it through flight school. You are the only gust of wind that helped me make my father proud. I have listened to your words and followed in your footsteps for the last 17 years. You have built me into the person that I am today. I credit you with my very existence. I have never known hope, joy, excitement or power outside of you. 

I'm not sure how to move past your death. Hell, I'm not even sure how to even begin to accept it. You fought through literal and emotional, devastating pain to share your words and enlighten the world.

 "Even though you're so close to me, you're still so distant, and I can't bring you back." 

All I can do now is make a promise: 

Dear Chester Charles Bennington, 

I promise your spirit that I will sing through my broken heart. I promise your departed soul that I will perform through my shattered spirit. I promise your memory that no matter how many broken parts I have bandaged and splinted up, my show will go on. No matter how bad this hurts, no matter how much I want to crawl into my bed and not eat or drink or do anything until I die, I will not quit. Your life, your words, your music, your spirit meant everything to me, and it always will. 

You carried me when I had nothing left to live for. You brought me back to life when I was an inch from death.

 Now it's my turn to carry your spirit when your body just couldn't carry your heavy mind anymore. And I will never let you down. 

I will hold on, I will not ask why everything is so heavy. I will hold on, nothing is more than I can carry. I will not drag around what has brought us both down. I will let go. I will be set free. 

With hands held mother fucking high. Rest In Peace, my idol, my hero. 🙏🏻❤️✊🏻
Sent from my iPhone