If there were another chance i'd love to thank you for everything you did, for everything you are. If there were a few more hours, minutes, seconds of my time i'd love to give them to you. If i were smarter i'd find a way to change the world for you. Too many 'if' and no chances to edit what already happened.
Words are not enough to describe how broken i feel inside. I never was a big fan of Linkin Park but somehow the band was always beside me since i've turned 12. Today i'm closer to 29 and realize it's almost one half of my life.
I hate July of 2017. I know it's foolish because it's just a month but it's the last month you were here. I don't like to think about July because it's the month when my Granny passed away in 2005. And you've gone 2 days before my Granny's birthday would be. I hate July and i can't help myself to change it.
I'm so sorry for being too late to say how thankful i am to you. And i'm thankful for having a chance to live my life on this earth knowing you live it too. I don't want to question you. I'm not someone who has a right to judge you for what you've done. But it's difficult. Thinking about that dark day I'm angry at you. I'm so desparately angry, you know. You know what it means to be angry and have nothing to change it.
I'm angry at myself for missing all of the chances to meet you. Yes, i had the chances. And i don't know what was on my mind when i missed every one of them. Probably i was thinking i have the other one for sure. I have none and that's the price for my stupidity.
I thought i'm feeling better day after day. But nothing even closer to this. My pain comes back in ways hitting me hard when i'm about to feel relief. And it starts all over again. I know it's not depression but it makes me feel incomplete.
I try to fix it. I try to think you'd be happy knowing we're all strong enough to focus on the things which make our lives brighter.
If there is another world beyond i'd love to live it by your side being your guardian. I love you Chester Bennington with all my heart and i will always do.