Past three months were just a total crap for us. Daily routine things, family, work, the new home - all these things were a perfect cover for the real endless pain we had. I can barely say wether the people we have around had an idea of why we've got so much anger and despair, so much sadness and a big hope inside of us. It's ok if some of them think now "Why are you feeling so down? He wasn't even your family. Go get a life better!" We actually don't care and we're not gonna explain why. Because if you didn't grew up listening to Linkin Park music, you will never understand. Never. And my personal wish to everyone is never ever to be in the emotional condition like this.
I guess now I clearly understand the worst kind of pain. The deepest regret of losing all of the chances life gives. Yesterday our Mom did a little reminder to our Dad that we always wanted to attend Linkin Park concert. Our parents were actually the ones who were pushing us really hard to make it happen in Minsk. Ain't it funny today I would give any money to turn back time and to have a chance to see the 6 of Linkin Park live? There are no right words to describe how it hurts inside and outside. There are no words to bring comfort to us because we're the ones who can do it in our minds. That's why I'm just begging everyone who's reading this blog to live every moment you have, to take everything life gives you, to listen to your heart and not to regret about fucking money.
Today's early morning at the Hollywood Bowl everything came out, like it was a culmination of bitterness and grief. We woke up at 5:20 AM and were watching live stream separately and I was trembling like never before. It was extremely hard to watch for so many reasons. Mike's voice was shaking so much at the beginning of the show and I just have no idea how difficult it was for him and the bandmates to take control over their minds and move on. But they did it because this is how Chester would like to see his friends rocking the stage. My biggest respect to the beautiful Talinda for her words and being such a brave and inspirational example for all of us. Everything she said is true and does matter. I'd like to thank every musician who joined the stage to celebrate Chester's life. I'd like to thank the crew members for making it happen. And my special BIG THANK YOU to every Linkin Park fan who was there, who was watching the live from all the parts of the world. I'm so proud to be in this unique close connection betweet the band and the fans. I'm so proud to be a member of Linkin Park Underground. After the show our Mom asked "Will they continue as a band?" I didn't know what I should answer but I truely believe we all have the brighter future together with the 5 of LP. No, the 6 of LP because I know Chester may not be here anymore but he'll be always singing with us even if his microphone is standing alone. He's around us and he'll forever be.
The pain will stay forever like a permanent invisible scar in our hearts. But I still have a strong hope it will get easier, day after day. We have a bold reason to focus on the positive things, we have so much to learn and do all together and never let ourselves give up. We have to work really hard to help people who fight depression. Everyday I talk to some of them who feel so extremely down not only because of this irreparable loss but also because of their own demons in their minds. I never actually thought how difficult it is to lift someone up but then I faced it on my own. Working on a special motivational video together with 64 Linkin Park fans from 9 countries brought the first results. At the moment I know it helped at least 3 beautiful souls to stop suicidal thoughts and keep moving on. The Mom of one of the guys thanked us for giving a message to her son who's suffering from some mental health issues and this makes me feel so proud of what we've got. I know it's a drop in the ocean but it already does matter.
Please love life because it's absolutely worth to live it.