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Never feel good enough
Tue, November 28, 2017 at 2:29 AMbroken_soldier88
broken_soldier88
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I wish I knew something convincing to make you see me as enough.That I’m the girl who would always stand on your side, be your biggest fan, and help you through anything life would ever give you.I want to be the one to do things for you, to take care of you and put you at ease in any way I can. I’m a girl who would love your parents, who want that relationship and knows the value of family.I’ll make it work with your friends just by being myself and accepting them for who they are. I’ll always be honest with you, will always honor your wishes and the nuances of your personality; including the idiosyncrasies.I’ll continue to introspect myself and work on myself because I know I am flawed and that there is time for a change. I’ll always be good to you. But I will also love me, and I’ll respect me. And I’ll honor what my gut and what my energy is telling me. I wonder if you’re staying, or when you’re going to decide to leave it altogether. And I wonder, too, how much of yourself you are giving to this.Because I’m in this. When I told you I was all yours, I meant it. And when I told you I knew how I felt about you, it’s because I did.

And now, I’ve realized that a piece of my trust in you has fallen away. I think it has been a fear of mine for a while; that you would decide this wasn’t right for you, wasn’t what you were looking for.I had that feeling, buried deep inside me where I tried to ignore it, but then you told me as much the other night.You don’t know how you feel about me.But if I don’t give you a sense of peace; if you don’t feel the hum when we are together; if you don’t find enough good in me to satisfy you, then don’t give me hope of anything. Believe me, I’ll be fine. I am fine.I know what I am, and I know that I’m a wonderful, incredible person in so many ways. And I deserve to be treated that way.I wanted to be the girl you could be so incredibly proud of to have; the one you felt lucky and grateful for.But here we are…. And you don’t feel that way.So, before I lose myself completely, I’ll call it over. Before I fall in love with you, I’ll tell you, “No more.”I cannot disrespect myself any longer by being with a man who won’t or can’t commit to all that I am.That is no way to live. It has been lovely getting to know you, and I will miss you. But it’s okay. I’m okay.